The Echoing House

I'm sitting on the floor where my desk used to be. My room looks empty. There aren't even boxes here anymore. Just bare furniture and a few things I need for tomorrow. The rest of the house is just kind of chaotic as the last little bits are packed. Why is it that there are always so many more boxes than I feel like there should be?? At any rate, the house won't ever be the same. WE won't ever be the same. Everything is changing. Tomorrow.

Tomorrow is the day that I've known in my gut was coming since way back in March. When my parents told me about a church in Michigan that was pursuing them, I just knew somehow that we'd eventually come to this day. I remember lying in my bed and wondering how in the world I would handle it when that day came. And now it has. But you know what? I've handled this the same way I've handled other situations that have been hard and scary. One step at a time, with the realization that God is GOOD and He is in control. He walks with me every day and gives me the strength that I need for each hour. Which isn't to say it hasn't been difficult, or that tomorrow won't bring tears. But if I really DO believe that God is good and gracious, I can move ahead with confidence. Including tomorrow. Gulp.

It isn't just saying goodbye to the house that is hard. I mean, we've only been here for a few years. It is the realization that things will never be the same. A good, and fairly easy part of my life is really over and I can never have it back. Even more, my family is scattered in four different states, with four different lives, and that is hard! I've always envied the families that live close to each other once they are all grown. But somehow I've known that would never be us...though I wish it was! I guess God just made us all with different dreams and goals, which is exciting...until you realize that pulls us away from each other, at least physically. Part of me always thought, though, that we'd come "home" and it would be the same. Now, none of us are really sure where home even is. Sure, home is where the heart is...but what if your heart is torn in different pieces? Ahhh the adjustments to be made. I know a new normal will come soon. I know everything will be all right. I know we'll all find ways to stay in touch and WILL be together again. But for tonight, while I'm surrounded by boxes and uncertainty...the past is more appealing than the future! :-)

Still, I AM excited about the future! God provided AMAZINGLY for me! I have a furnished apartment, above the home of some members of my church, with a kitchen, bathroom, living area and two bedrooms...all free of rent and utilities! I AM excited to live on my own. I'm excited to unpack and get settled. And I'm thankful that God provided this in a way that shows that HE gave this to me. What a wonderful reminder that He loves me and will take care of me. He didn't have to do this. He could have given me plan "b", and He would still have been good and gracious. But He chose to give me this wonderfully cute apartment, and I am so incredibly thankful and encouraged! Any time I doubt, all I'll have to do is look around to be reminded of His provision. I can't even begin to tell you how HUGE this has been.

So that's where I am tonight. Funny that Romania isn't mentioned in here at all. Maybe because I don't want to think about moving again! :-) More about that later. But that's all I have tonight...from this echoing house...